I’m the King of Jubilee Jumbles

artist Nayland Blake natters on about art and other things

Posts Tagged ‘emotions

It’s the little things…

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Doing laundry makes me turn out my pockets. Turning out my pockets reveals micro-clutter, the scraps that I don’t take the trouble to shift from pant to pant, the dribs and drabs that I unconsciously accrue.

The stuff that truly drives me nuts.

Here’s one culprit: drinking straw wrappers. I am forever finding these rolled pellets of paper about my person. If I don’t catch them before the wash, they emerge as paper mache’ rabbit turds. Or i find them as I’m out walking around, trying to get change out of my pocket. Why is it that they anger me so? Perhaps because they represent a problem that I never seem to be able to solve. I like cold drinks and I like to drink them through a straw. Straws have wrappers that must be removed. One solution is to tear one end of the wrapper and use the rest as a projectile, blowing it at someone else. But I hate to litter. I still feel responsible for the wrapper. The six-year-old’s solution doesn’t work for me. So I pick it up and roll it tight and then look around for some place to dispose of it. In New York, the problem is compounded by the fact that many garbage cans on the street are open mesh types, meaning that I can’t throw something as small at a rolled wrapper in there, because it would just pass through. It’s at that point, while I wait to find an enclosed receptacle, that I often forget that I still have to deal with the wrapper. When my fingers come across it later, I’m annoyed and dissapointed. It’s like finding out that I forgot to pay my phone bill: a responsibility deferred.

Somehow, when it comes to questions like what am I doing with my life, my sang froid remains intact. But when I ask “what am I going to do with this little strip of paper”, I’m trapped in an emotional vortex.

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Written by naylandblake

June 3, 2009 at 10:42 am

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Crunch…

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Maybe it’s the return of my annual hay fever, maybe it’s some other creeping crud, or maybe it’s the unrelenting stresses of the past week, but I feel bruised, everywhere, inside and out.

Written by naylandblake

May 15, 2009 at 11:06 am

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Shine a light…

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Around here, they give you a lot of fruit salad for three bucks. And you get to pick what’s in it.

Had breakfast with a friend this morning, someone who I’ve been getting to gradually know over the past couple of years. Like yesterday, when my mom stopped by, there were certain points in the conversation where I was awash in emotion. I have to ask, what am I protecting myself from? I’m engaged in a series of deflecting behaviors, all of which seem to involve some kind of insulating. I’ve been at this place emotionally before. Somehow these conversations have helped me to see that I’ve come there again.

Written by naylandblake

May 7, 2009 at 3:36 pm

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Institutions…

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Are often difficult to manage.

Recently I’ve been writing down some thoughts on organizations. After a little more work I think I’ll be posting them here.

It’s been interesting to see the ways that my current job has become institutionalized, and how we’ve had to learn how to deal with that perception in the minds of our students and peers.

In part of my attempts to take a longer view of my current situation I’m a little hungry for a bigger art project.

And just after I finished typing that, my Mom dropped by my office. Boy was I happy to see her! I think it marks how disconnected and isolated I’ve been in the past few weeks that I had a deep rush of emotion at just sitting down with her.

Written by naylandblake

May 6, 2009 at 12:24 pm